It usually starts in the shower. A slow build up of tension in my chest until I almost can't breathe. I am at a loss as to what is causing these panic attacks. Despite previous life stresses, I've never suffered from them before.
And then I remember the cause: in four nights time I leave the city I have lived in for the 43 years of my life to date. I leave the safety and security of my friends and family and streets I can navigate like the increasing lines on my face. In four nights time, my husband Brendan and I leave Canberra, Australia, for Sligo, Ireland and a completely different life. To a house we bought over the internet, which we are yet to see in person.
Why? Why would we take such a step at our age and at this time in our lives. Well, it's quite simple really. It's time to live and to take a risk.
All my life I have taken the safe option - I studied law and got a job in private practice because that is what I thought I wanted. After ten years I left that behind to join the Australian Public Service. If I thought that would provide me with an easier life with less hassles, I was sorely mistaken.
So when the planets aligned, and the opportunity presented itself to do something totally different with our lives, in a part of the world whose natural beauty needs to be seen to be believed, we both came to the conclusion we had very little to lose.
Life is too short to spend any part of it doing what makes you miserably unhappy.
It all feels a bit like jumping off a very large cliff. And while the leap may continue to take my breath away, I'm confident the water will be deep enough to break the fall, and that we will dogpaddle our way to safety.
I hope you will come along for the ride.
